"Our Children and The Runaway Train"
By © J. A. Elliott 2023
Michael Holiday, the 1950's crooner sang about "The Runaway Train" and how it went rolling down the track when it "Blew". Today the runaway train of children the world over, are very much akin to the old steam train of yesteryear, as they blow their cool and head off down those symbolistic tracks, looking for the better life they believe lies, just over the horizon.
As parents we all stand in dread of this happening to our own offspring in the prime of their young lives, thinking its simply an attitude thing, and that almost all teenagers go through this period at some stage in their development. But all too often we are looking at it all from a totally wrong and supposedly grown up perspective. Yes when this happens and our children take to the streets, or simply run away and disappear from, what we believe to be the comforts of their own homes, we are totally gutted. We see our pristine life shattered, as we feel the loss of our loved ones. Our hearts are truly broken and in some ways understandably so. But lets stand back for a while and view this from the runaway child's perception of the world around them to fully understand better the WHY this is so prevalent in most civilized societies today.
Children, especially teenagers and young adults, are under enormous pressure to do well at school, college and university. Their academic achievements are the centre of what parents believe to be "Good for them" and failure isn't an option. Study, study and more study is the order of the day, with real time out and prime family time missing from their daily routine. Parents become distant and suddenly unapproachable, and this often is portrayed to our teens as uncaring and unloving behaviour, where once, time was spent together through their younger years. Now parents are suddenly like strangers who only meet at the breakfast table battlefield arena, gone are the carefree happy days of their early childhood. This is just the tip of the iceberg we ourselves as parents have created, as we ourselves are guilty of spending far too many hours at the office and even less continuing to get to know the ever developing and changing adolescent. It's that, us and them attitude that denies our children the understanding they really need, at times when they are going through so much, when a simple cuddle, or "I'm so proud of you", yes the simple little things that really mean so much to our developing young. All to often we half abandon them within our homes to pursue our own activities, yet denying them theirs, as they become our glorified unpaid baby sitters as they look after younger siblings, then moan when they cannot cope through having no or hardly any social life of their own.
Girls are maturing much younger today; their bodies and minds are undergoing changes that didn't develop until much later, a few years ago. They are growing into young adults with all the feelings and emotions that come with it. They find a real need for seeking out love and understanding, they first look to us parents, but we fail to see this need, blindly going about our own lives, without a second thought. We take it out on them for our own misfortunes, blaming them forever being born, the classic pitch that many a youngster has heard. Now come on, hold up your hand if any of you parents can relate to this in any way.
When was the last time you actually had an intelligent conversation with your teenager without your differences of opinion turning into world war three because you failed to relate or understand the point they were making. These adolescent youngsters are often on the verge of abuse without realising it. And many a parent is so guilty of being abusive through lack of understanding, or simply not being able to cope themselves with what life throws at them. What roll models do you think we make when our own lives are so very complex and often we as parents and partners need tranquillisers and alcohol to simply cope with getting up in the morning. Yet our teenagers are expected to be able to cope with their own personal stresses and trauma's without these aids, and on top of that we give them no real support, love or loyalty.
Our children are crying out for help and unless we listen to their needs and act upon them, then more and more we are going to find them boarding and becoming that Runaway Train to break their own chains of their perceived oppression, leaving behind a trail of tears in their wake, as the guilt ridden parents sit and wonder WHY, yet still not having a single clue as to the real reason their son's and daughters ran away from home in the first place. Lack of communication between teenager and parents is the route cause, plus the parents failing to realize their babies are no longer children, but are young adults with their own lives to live. They need to learn from their own mistakes, and create foundations of their own. They want to experience this togetherness, and closeness to others that adults call love. They need a little independence and gentle guidance. These young adults may still need protecting, as they are going to be quite vulnerable, yet this protection should never overwhelm their own sense of self worth. However most of all they need to be heard by you, and you as a parent are indeed their roll model be it good or bad, and if you want your children to grow up and have a better life than you, then its you that must change to give it to them and not be a constant reminder of your own past mistakes, after all no child ever asked to be brought into this world, this was a decision you made when you yourself was an adolescent fumbling in the dark without a manual. So remember you too were young and rebellious in your own individual way, and no doubt your own parents found it hard to communicate and cope with you.
