THE CORNER 4 WOMEN

Wednesday, 20 September 2023

They Walk Among us, They Breed, and They Even Vote

They Walk Among us, They Breed, and They Even Vote (authors unknown)

My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD's....

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since...

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbour call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer's are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce....

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee.....

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a

service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…

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WORST DAY EVER

WORST DAY EVER (author Mary Duke)

“I did something this morning that most of you will probably think is bad parenting.

Because my mom stayed the night at the house, I had the opportunity to take my 8-year-old to school without her siblings. I whispered to her, ‘If we get ready quick and with a good attitude, we’ll stop at the donut shop.’

But as she got dressed, her shirt didn’t fit right. Her pants annoyed her. The house was too cold. Her hair hurt when it was combed.

She started to get angry. Even when I reminded her she was risking losing her donut she kept getting angrier and angrier.

Then it just unravelled and, ‘THIS WAS THE WORST MORNING OF HER LIIIIIIFE!’

I had to pause. I didn’t understand. I tried to reason. Then I said, ‘NO DONUT!’

In the next 10 minutes, as I silently got my coffee and found my own clothes, I saw myself in my daughter’s actions.

I too have sensory overload. Static? My arch nemesis. Tight-fitting clothes? Shoot me. Bloated and my waistband is digging into my stomach? WORST DAY EVER!

I’m almost 37 years into this game and I’ve learned ways to cope (usually).

I also know I too have had anger run away from me. As an adult I’ve said in my head, ‘Stop acting this way, Mary,’ while unable to get in front of the anger that snowballed ahead of me.

So when we got in the car (after she slammed the door and snarled) I said the following…

‘The way you’ve treated me this morning is mean, unfair, and not okay, but I’ve been there too. When I was growing up, if we spoke like that to our parents it was met with more anger, punishment, loss, and sometimes hostility. I think I just needed someone to be nice to me.

So, even though you’ve been mean to me, I’m going to be nice to you. I’m going to take you for that donut. I love you very much, even when you have big emotions.’

She burst into tears. I felt the anger move over and make way for the sadness. Then she said, ‘I’m so sorry I was mean to you,’ and we got our donut.

As she walked into school with a smile on her face, I thought, ‘This seems right.’

I want to do more of this. I want to be nice to my kids even on hard days. Maybe, just maybe, kindness will beget kindness.”

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HOW CHILDREN PERCIEVE THEIR GRANDPARENTS

HOW CHILDREN PERCIEVE THEIR GRANDPARENTS
(author unknown)

1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 68. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colours yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6." (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!)

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE. IF THEY'RE NOT ALREADY GRANDPARENTS, MAYBE SOME DAY THEY'LL GET LUCKY AND BECOME ONE!

IT MIGHT JUST MAKE THEIR DAY!

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SANTA AND THE LITTLE ANGEL

SANTA AND THE LITTLE ANGEL
(author unknown)

“It was the night before Christmas and Santa was busy making his rounds.

He was light on his feet making sure he didn't make a sound.

But he took notice that some homes didn't have that Christmas Glee.

So he decided to stop because he thought that just can't be.

He crept in a mommy's bedroom and stopped in his steps, as he saw a little angel hugging his mom as she slept.

The little angel looked up and cried, "Oh, Santa you are finally here!!

I've been waiting for you to help me let Mommy know I am near.”

Santa picked up the wee angel and asked him, "What can I do? I'm just a simple toy maker I can't make your mommy's dreams come true.”

So the two of them sat and they sat for a while until the tiny angel jumped up and screamed with a smile.

"Let’s leave her a sign a beautiful sign from above,

Let her know it's from me, sent from heaven with love!!!”

So Santa dug and he dug deep, in that big glorious bag that was filled with lots of treats.

He pulled out a beautiful white feather that look like it was made out of snow.

And he thought such a beautiful sign that only a grieving mother would know.

He placed it on her nightstand and kissed the angel on his head.

Then placed him next to his mom as she slumbered in bed.

I think I'll stay here with Mommy and visit her in her dreams tonight,

She misses me dearly and needs to know I'm all right.

Santa made his way to his sled, And wiped a tear from his eye.

He fell to his knees and managed to cry.

Merry Christmas to all the grieving mothers across this big land.

And let it be known your angels are with you holding your hands...”

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WOMAN IN THE BOAT

WOMAN IN THE BOAT
(author unknown)

One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing"?

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious"?)

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket."

"For reading a book"? she replies.

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.

"But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

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Tuesday, 19 September 2023

THE MOTHER AND THE MISSING SILVER PLATE

THE MOTHER AND THE MISSING SILVER PLATE

(author unknown)
but probably a mother

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious...

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and

his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,

“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just

roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,

“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just

to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not take the silver plate But the fact

remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

your son.

Several days later, he received an email from

his Mother which read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and

I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she

would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…

Love,

Mom. xxx

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A PILOT'S TRUE STORY of 9/11

A PILOT'S TRUE STORY of 9/11

(by Jeff Fellmeth Retired American Airlines Pilot)

Just one story... thank you Jeff!

Most of you know that I was a pilot for American Airlines and on 9-11-01 I was flying a Boeing 767 (same type that hit the Twin Towers) from Caracas, Venezuela to NY.

We had left Caracas at 8 am, so we had no idea what was going on until we reached the radar controlled airspace surrounding Puerto Rico. The air traffic controller would only tell that JFK was closed and we needed to contact our company. When we queried the controller about why the airport was closed, he responded “I can’t tell you over an open frequency.” The Captain & I are both retired Air Force pilots and those words sent a huge chill through both of us.

So, we then used the satellite phone in the cockpit to contact American Airlines in Dallas. The Dispatcher in Dallas only told us that 2 airplanes had flown into the World Trade Centre Towers and that we should divert to Miami. HE DID NOT tell us the planes were airliners or that one of the planes was an American flight.

We immediately knew it was some kind of attack, but NEVER dreamed it was airliners; rather we were thinking light aircraft out of one of the numerous northern NJ airports.

The only other communication we received from the company was a message telling us that NOT EVEN the Flight Attendants were to be allowed in the cockpit. Well, after that message the crash axe was in my lap for the remainder of the flight.

We elected to NOT tell anyone on board we were diverting to Miami, not even the Flight Attendants. As far as anyone on board knew we were on our way to NY.

About halfway between Puerto Rico and Miami, Miami Air Traffic Control transmitted the following: “ALL US AIRSPACE IS CLOSED! I WILL CALL YOU BACK SHORTLY TO FIND OUT WHERE YOU WANT TO LAND OUTSIDE OF THE US.” He then began contacting individual flights and sending them to numerous airports all over the Caribbean, Central and South America.

After about 15-20 minutes of him diverting planes the controller announced that 3 flights would be allowed to land in Miami. We were first, followed by a Continental flight 30 minutes behind and then an American flight 1 hour behind. To my knowledge, these were the last 3 flights to land at Miami that day and were probably some of the last flights to enter US airspace.

Miami International is an extremely busy airport and the skies around Miami are normally full of aircraft and the accompanying radio chatter, but not when we arrived. When we checked in with Miami Approach Control there was an eerie silence as we were the ONLY aircraft in their airspace. The tension in the cockpit was pretty thick at this point since even at 3 in the morning you usually aren’t alone with Miami Approach. Our approach was pretty uneventful until about 4 miles out from landing when our flaps malfunctioned. We didn’t dare go around at this point to run our checklist; we simply took what we had for flaps and landed on the north runway at Miami.

Now came the real shock. The north side of the Miami airport is a HUGE parking area used mainly by cargo and charter aircraft. Well, on 9/11 the north ramp was covered with more airplanes than I had ever seen! They were packed in like sardines and for any of you who have been to the military and civilian aircraft storage facilities in AZ, well, this was tighter! Up again went the pucker factor!

Our flap malfunction prevented us from retracting our flaps after landing which, before 9-11, was a HUGE PROBLEM for us. To taxi into the parking area with your flaps down was a signal to ground personnel that you were being HIJACKED and wanted ARMED INTERVENTION NOW!!!!! I’m thinking this as I look to my left and see all those jets crammed together so as we clear the runway the first word out of my mouth are “GROUND, AMERICAN 936 IS CLEAR OF RUNWAY 09 LEFT AND OUR FLAPS ARE DOWN BECAUSE THEY’RE BROKE!” (Yes, I was yelling.)

Somehow we were given a gate to park at and as we pulled up the Captain made a PA to the passengers telling them the little we know. “Ladies and Gentleman, some of you may have realized by looking outside or at your watches that this I not New York….” He then told all the passengers to remain seated until we had a chance to talk to the agents meeting the flight.

Now, you must remember, we still don’t know that commercial airlines have been used in this attack, nor do we know about the Pentagon of Flight 93 in PA.

The agent came on board and made a PA informing the passengers and the crew of the events and now for the first time we know of the devastation in NY as by this time both towers were down. You could have heard a pin drop.

On the home front, my wife and children (14, 9, and 6) have NO idea where I am, only that I’m supposed to be home that afternoon. When I turn on my cell phone there’s a tear filled voicemail from my wife wondering where I am or even IF I am, but because of the phone system where she worked I can’t reach her. I do contact the grade school for my 2 younger kids and when I tell the secretary that I’m a pilot for American Airlines she just lost it!

My kids expected me home that day and I asked her to contact them at the end of the school day (they hadn’t told the kids about the attacks) that I was ok and in Miami. She also contacted the High School for me where a Guidance Counselor went to my oldest daughter’s class. Needless to say having Guidance come to your room looking for you while watching aircraft like your Dad’s crash is pretty intense for a 16 year old. I think she had it worse than I did since I knew I was ok.

I finally did get a hold of Debbie, my parents, and in-laws but I couldn’t tell them much except I was in Miami for a while and didn’t even know where I was going to be staying.

It took a couple of hours but we ended up at our normal layover hotel in Miami Beach where I spent the next 5 days watching the F-15’s fly up and down the beach wishing I was back with them (I had only been retired for a year).

I finally got home Saturday night around midnight and spent Sunday close to my family. Monday morning found me on my way back to JFK for my next flight. My normal 2-2 ½ hour drive took 4 hours that Monday and crossing over the Verrazano Narrows Bridge was truly humbling.

The Twin Towers were the dominant feature of Manhattan, especially the lower end and the Verrazano offers a beautiful view of NY harbour and lower Manhattan. Six days later, the fire was still burning, smoke was still rising from Ground Zero plus there was this huge gap in the buildings where the Towers had been. Now, 20 years later, I still look and miss the sight of the World Trade Centre.

Will I ever forget? NEVER! Every time I go to work I think about what happened that day and wonder when they’ll try it again and will I be ready.

I will always remember that day, where I was, what I and my family went though and I will always remind others of what happened that day and what it means to me, my freedom, and my way of life.

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