"ALONE"
by Shiori X
I'm used to being alone. I live alone, travel alone, drink my coffee alone, or eat my meal alone. I am solely responsible for taking care of myself, wherever I go. I am so independent that most people think I do not need anyone in my life or so independent that people often forget to ask me whether I am okay or not. There are lots of people who say that not all those alone are lonely. However, I've become one of those who are lonely for being alone. Even if I tell everyone that I am okay with being alone, there is still a part of me that longs for the feeling of being protected, taken care of, and loved. I still wish to be held when I'm falling apart. I still wish to be heard when I have so much to say deep in my heart. I still wish to have someone I can share my coffee with, or at least someone who will remember to ask me how my day went, even just once a month.
Sometimes, loneliness makes my hands cold. But most of the time, it keeps me up all night and makes me wonder how I would live my life happily. I used to be happy being alone until I've become so unfamiliar with those beautiful feelings that I can only get from others, not from myself. Sure, it is a wonderful feeling to love myself, but sometimes I also wonder how it feels to have someone who loves me or at least cares for me. I wonder how it feels to have someone who brings me coffee, sits beside me and eats with me, holds my hands when they are cold, and holds me between the arms when I can't sleep at night. There is no doubt that I can take care of myself, but sometimes I also wish for somebody to take care of me.
— Shiori X
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