Saturday 9 December 2023

The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen


"The Little Match Girl"
by Hans Christian Andersen
Most terribly cold it was; it snowed, and was nearly quite dark, and evening-- the last evening of the year. In this cold and darkness there went along the street a poor little girl, bareheaded, and with naked feet. When she left home she had slippers on, it is true; but what was the good of that? They were very large slippers, which her mother had hitherto worn; so large were they; and the poor little thing lost them as she scuffled away across the street, because of two carriages that rolled by dreadfully fast.
One slipper was nowhere to be found; the other had been laid hold of by an urchin, and off he ran with it; he thought it would do capitally for a cradle when he some day or other should have children himself. So the little maiden walked on with her tiny naked feet, that were quite red and blue from cold. She carried a quantity of matches in an old apron, and she held a bundle of them in her hand. Nobody had bought anything of her the whole livelong day; no one had given her a single farthing.
She crept along trembling with cold and hunger--a very picture of sorrow, the poor little thing!
The flakes of snow covered her long fair hair, which fell in beautiful curls around her neck; but of that, of course, she never once now thought. From all the windows the candles were gleaming, and it smelt so deliciously of roast goose, for you know it was New Year's Eve; yes, of that she thought.
In a corner formed by two houses, of which one advanced more than the other, she seated herself down and cowered together. Her little feet she had drawn close up to her, but she grew colder and colder, and to go home she did not venture, for she had not sold any matches and could not bring a farthing of money: from her father she would certainly get blows, and at home it was cold too, for above her she had only the roof, through which the wind whistled, even though the largest cracks were stopped up with straw and rags.
Her little hands were almost numbed with cold. Oh! a match might afford her a world of comfort, if she only dared take a single one out of the bundle, draw it against the wall, and warm her fingers by it. She drew one out. "Rischt!" how it blazed, how it burnt! It was a warm, bright flame, like a candle, as she held her hands over it: it was a wonderful light. It seemed really to the little maiden as though she were sitting before a large iron stove, with burnished brass feet and a brass ornament at top. The fire burned with such blessed influence; it warmed so delightfully. The little girl had already stretched out her feet to warm them too; but--the small flame went out, the stove vanished: she had only the remains of the burnt-out match in her hand.
She rubbed another against the wall: it burned brightly, and where the light fell on the wall, there the wall became transparent like a veil, so that she could see into the room. On the table was spread a snow-white tablecloth; upon it was a splendid porcelain service, and the roast goose was steaming famously with its stuffing of apple and dried plums. And what was still more capital to behold was, the goose hopped down from the dish, reeled about on the floor with knife and fork in its breast, till it came up to the poor little girl; when--the match went out and nothing but the thick, cold, damp wall was left behind. She lighted another match. Now there she was sitting under the most magnificent Christmas tree: it was still larger, and more decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door in the rich merchant's house.
Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-coloured pictures, such as she had seen in the shop-windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when--the match went out. The lights of the Christmas tree rose higher and higher, she saw them now as stars in heaven; one fell down and formed a long trail of fire.
"Someone is just dead!" said the little girl; for her old grandmother, the only person who had loved her, and who was now no more, had told her, that when a star falls, a soul ascends to God.
She drew another match against the wall: it was again light, and in the lustre there stood the old grandmother, so bright and radiant, so mild, and with such an expression of love.
"Grandmother!" cried the little one. "Oh, take me with you! You go away when the match burns out; you vanish like the warm stove, like the delicious roast goose, and like the magnificent Christmas tree!" And she rubbed the whole bundle of matches quickly against the wall, for she wanted to be quite sure of keeping her grandmother near her. And the matches gave such a brilliant light that it was brighter than at noon-day: never formerly had the grandmother been so beautiful and so tall. She took the little maiden, on her arm, and both flew in brightness and in joy so high, so very high, and then above was neither cold, nor hunger, nor anxiety--they were with God.
But in the corner, at the cold hour of dawn, sat the poor girl, with rosy cheeks and with a smiling mouth, leaning against the wall--frozen to death on the last evening of the old year. Stiff and stark sat the child there with her matches, of which one bundle had been burnt. "She wanted to warm herself," people said. No one had the slightest suspicion of what beautiful things she had seen; no one even dreamed of the splendour in which, with her grandmother she had entered on the joys of a new year.

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How and When to Tell Him about Medical Issues by James Bauer


I am very grateful for all the kind, sweet, thoughtful, and responsible women who ask me this question: “I have this issue that I feel I need to be upfront with him about before our relationship goes too far.  Should I tell him about it on the first date?”

I appreciate these women, but they go too far in their efforts to avoid deceiving a potential partner.  Some women seem to feel they are being deceitful or irresponsible if they do not reveal all of their physical or mental health flaws on the first date.  I disagree.

My personal opinion is that you can best answer the “when and how” question by referring to the golden rule.  I believe it’s as simple as that.  The golden rule simply extols the value of doing to others as you would have them do unto you.

I don’t know about you, but I would prefer that you allow me to get to know you before you flood my mind with a list of your hidden problems.  Problems do not define you, but many women seem to feel their problems do define them.

I’ll give you an example.  Someone once asked me if she was being irresponsible not to mention that she is living on disability income through Social Security.  She thought she needed to mention it in her online dating profile to avoid “leading men on.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I feel a person is selling herself short if she does not make at least a small attempt to sell me on the many virtues I would encounter if I continued a relationship with her.  It’s not that you should never speak the straightforward truth about problem areas;  it’s just not appropriate to delve into deeply personal information on a first date!

That’s why I evoke the golden rule.  I don’t want to share information about my medical issues with the person I just met, so I don’t expect you to do that either.  Maybe this is the golden rule in reverse; “Tell it unto me as I would expect myself to tell it unto thee.”  =)

In all seriousness, I want to encourage any of you who struggle over this issue to take a deep breath and relax.  Real relationships unfold over time.  Don’t try to force the entire relationship into the first date.  He can learn about you and discover both your wonderful qualities and your liabilities over time.

Some people hear this advice and finally relax into the normal way of relating to people again.  Others are so brainwashed by the fast-paced style of dating, which has taken over that they still struggle with guilt.

Our culture has changed when it comes to dating.  People around the world look at potential partners as expendable options to be sorted through rapidly.

This change is largely because of the psychological shifts created by online dating.  Men and women feel like there are hundreds of options out there and a seemingly inexhaustible supply, so they approach a first date with the mindset of quickly filtering out all the various qualities they would find distasteful in a potential partner.

You don’t have to go along with that toxic change in the dating culture.  Treat people like real human beings, and expect them to do the same in return.

I don’t want to know about the warts on the bottom of your feet when I first meet you.  I figure I’ll see those while I am learning how beautiful and playful you can be when joining me at the beach and kicking off your socks and shoes.

In this more “organic” context, your flaws will be paired with the real-life experience of getting to know the benefits of building a relationship with you.  Does that make sense?

Some people press me for even more detail.  Each relationship is unique, and requires a different approach because of the various factors at play.  Allow me to offer a few “rule of thumb” guidelines for you to consider.

  • If the flaw is something embarrassing to you, but not something that will harm him, you can wait much longer for the topic to come up naturally throughout the course of your unfolding relationship.  If it is an issue that could cause him emotional or physical harm, you might want to bring up the subject by the time you reach the third date.
  • Do not tell him deep dark secrets just because you feel guilty.  Guilt should not be your motivation.
  • Generally speaking, you should bring up the topic as soon as you can envision a “normal” conversation about it.  By “normal,” I mean a conversation that others would not judge as forced and socially awkward.  When two people know each other, they can sense the right time for bringing up the topic even if it is a sensitive one.
  • Before you tell him a deep dark secret, ask yourself whether he would be able to fill in other details about your personal life and history easily that have an equal weight (on the neutral or positive side of things).  If he doesn’t know you well enough to understand the context and story associated with your “flaw,” then it’s too soon for that particular talk.

I hope these guidelines were helpful, but remember that the preceding principles should be your ultimate guide rather than these rule-of-thumb statements.

It is my belief that you have a responsibility to put your best foot forward when meeting people.  I say this because the fast-paced dating culture often means you only get one shot at impressing a person enough to get a second date.

Research has consistently shown that we tend to draw final conclusions about potential partners far too soon.  We put too much confidence in our first impressions.

That’s why it’s so important to get a second and third date so you can truly get to know each other.  I hope this advice will help you reach that goal.


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I'M FINE by Becky Hemsley


"I'M FINE"
by Becky Hemsley 2022

Today I said “I’m fine”, not once
But five times altogether
When people asked “how are you?”
Then made small talk of the weather
And so I hid behind my mask
The one I’d worn a while
I set in place my bravest face
And dressed it with a smile
And that was how the day went
All “I’m fine” and talk of rain
Until somebody asked me how I was
Then asked again
They asked if I was truly fine
And I said I was not
And they said they were sorry
That they couldn’t do a lot
But then they sat beside me
Whilst I spoke the truth at last
They listened and they held me
As the tears slipped through my mask
And where before, I’d felt I should
Maintain this brave façade,
I realised there was much to gain
By letting down my guard
See, though my load was still the same
It now was not as heavy
‘Cause sitting and offloading it
Had helped a bit already
Today they asked “how are you?”
And I told them I was fine
‘Til someone saw behind the mask
And asked me one more time
And though they may have felt
That there was little they could do
They’ll never know how much it meant
To tell someone the truth
*******
Becky Hemsley 2022
Lovely artwork by Illustrations by Majali
“I’m fine” is from my second collection:

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Friday 8 December 2023

TRUE COLOURS by Becky Hemsley


"TRUE COLOURS"
by Becky Hemsley 2023

I looked up the word ‘yellow’ the other day.
I found so many shades of yellow that they had been distinguished by words like
gold
honey
daffodil.
I found words like fire and sand and champagne and lemon and sunbeam and I even found a song.
Now imagine someone telling yellow that it’s ‘just yellow’.
When yellow is a sunbeam and a daffodil and fire.
When yellow is a song.
Without yellow, we couldn’t make orange and we couldn’t create green and our world would be far less colourful because of it.
Yellow’s true colours are not limited to one thing.
And neither are yours.
Some days you are dark and fiery and intense.
Some days you are rich and bright and vibrant.
Some days you are buttercups and dandelions and some days you are champagne and a song.
And without you, someone’s life would be far less bright and far less beautiful.
You are you as
yellow is yellow.
And the world needs you.
Because, no matter what you think, you are not ‘just you’.
You are so much more.
Becky Hemsley 2023
Stunning artwork by @turli_thu_art on Instagram
'True Colours' is from 'Letters from Life' https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHL9MZC1...

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REFUSE TO SACRIFICE WHO YOU ARE


"REFUSE TO SACRIFICE WHO YOU ARE"
author unknown

We deserve love. We deserve peace of mind. We deserve respect. When we are grounded, we can acknowledge these truths. Why is it that sometimes we believe we don’t deserve them? Where does that negativity come from? It is difficult to fight an enemy who seems to reside in our head. Often, these doubts were planted by the very wounded adults who helped raise us, teach us, or coach us when we were too young and inexperienced to realize that adults aren’t always right and are sometimes mean-spirited and cruel. So how do we move forward successfully in life? How do we shed these doubts that were planted when we were young and defenceless?

Realize that we are not in the world to live up to anybody else’s expectations. Refuse to sacrifice who you are in order to make someone else happy. Your feelings matter and should be trusted more than anyone else’s opinion. Trust yourself first and foremost. Speak your truth and honour your feelings. You are not being unreasonable when you insist on having your needs met. Your thoughts matter. Your insights matter. You matter. Remain unmoved by both praise and blame. How you feel about yourself is most important. Become sensitive to that, and you are on your way to being the strong, independent, uniquely gifted person you were born to become.

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You are everything


"You are everything" author unknown

You don’t see yourself the way I see you.
One day, when I tell you you’re amazing,
the voice in your head
will only echo in agreement.
You aren’t your shortcomings.
Those imperfections you believe to be glaring are unnoticeable to me.
You aren’t the flaws you try to hide.
You aren’t the mistakes you’ve made.
You aren’t the abuse you took.
Please understand that to me, you’re heroic, so it’s difficult to hear you speak of yourself with resentment.
You undermine the bridges you rebuilt,
while I’m in awe of the world
you grew from nothing.
You don’t understand how much
you mean to me.
You don’t realize how colourless my life would become if you weren’t in it.
Even when it’s dark you shine on me.
I would choose your rain
over anyone else’s sunlight.
I would choose your cold nights
over any warm body.
You are the realest thing I’ve ever loved,
and I don’t want a single day without you.
I know it’s hard to unlearn all the things this world has convinced you
are wrong about yourself.
So, I’ll point out every star I see in you
until the night skies you carry are blinding.
I’ll shower you with the words you never heard enough of until that voice in your head believes what I know is true –
You are loved. You are beautiful.
You are everything.

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NO MATTER YOUR AGE


"NO MATTER YOUR AGE"
author unknown

No matter your age, I will pray I did right by you.
No matter your age, your well-being will be my priority.
No matter your age, your laugh will warm my heart.
No matter your age, 𝐼 β„Žπ‘œπ‘π‘’ π‘¦π‘œπ‘’ 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 π‘¦π‘œπ‘’π‘Ÿπ‘ π‘’π‘™π‘“ π‘Žπ‘  π‘šπ‘’π‘β„Ž π‘Žπ‘  𝐼 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 π‘¦π‘œπ‘’.
No matter your age, I will worry about you.
No matter your age, I will smile when you’re happy and hurt when you’re struggling.
No matter your age, I will offer my shoulder for you to lean on and my ear to listen.
No matter your age, 𝐼 𝑀𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 π‘”π‘Ÿπ‘Žπ‘‘π‘–π‘‘π‘’π‘‘π‘’ π‘Žπ‘›π‘‘ π‘π‘Ÿπ‘–π‘‘π‘’.
No matter your age, I will remind you of your self-worth.
No matter your age, you will always be my baby.
No matter your age, I will be your biggest supporter.
No matter your age, π‘¦π‘œπ‘’ 𝑀𝑖𝑙𝑙 π‘Žπ‘™π‘€π‘Žπ‘¦π‘  β„Žπ‘Žπ‘£π‘’ π‘šπ‘¦ β„Žπ‘’π‘Žπ‘Ÿπ‘‘.
No matter your age, it will be my greatest joy and my greatest heartbreak to watch you spread your wings.
No matter your age, I will encourage you to follow your dreams.
No matter your age, I will cherish our time together.
No matter your age, 𝐼 𝑀𝑖𝑙𝑙 π‘™π‘œπ‘£π‘’ π‘¦π‘œπ‘’ π‘’π‘›π‘π‘œπ‘›π‘‘π‘–π‘‘π‘–π‘œπ‘›π‘Žπ‘™π‘™π‘¦.
No matter your age,
I will π‘Žπ‘™π‘€π‘Žπ‘¦π‘  be your mom . . .
𝑡𝒐 π’Žπ’‚π’•π’•π’†π’“ π’šπ’π’–π’“ π’‚π’ˆπ’†.

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The Unicorn and the Rainbow Forest by English By Mia

"The Unicorn and the Rainbow Forest"
by English By Mia
Once upon a time, in a colourful land far away, there lived a kind unicorn named Sparkle. Sparkle had a coat as white as snow and a shimmering horn that sparkled like the stars in the night sky.
One day, while exploring the forest, Sparkle stumbled upon a hidden path that led deep into the heart of the woods. The trees here were different—each one had leaves of a different colour, painting the forest with vibrant shades of red, blue, green, and yellow. Sparkle had never seen such a magical place before!
As she wandered further, Sparkle heard a soft voice singing a sweet melody. Curious, she followed the sound until she reached a clearing bathed in the glow of a magnificent rainbow. At the centre of the rainbow stood a group of tiny creatures called Pixies, their wings shimmering in the sunlight.
"Hello, Sparkle! Welcome to our Rainbow Forest," chirped the Pixies in unison.
Sparkle's eyes widened in amazement. "This place is so beautiful! I've never seen anything like it."
The Pixies giggled and invited Sparkle to join their dance beneath the rainbow. They danced and twirled, creating a beautiful harmony of colours that filled the air with joy.
"I wish everyone could see the magic of this forest," sighed Sparkle.
The leader of the Pixies, named Twinkle, fluttered closer to Sparkle. "You have a kind heart, Sparkle. Your wish might come true if you believe in the magic within you."
With newfound hope, Sparkle decided to share the beauty of the Rainbow Forest with the other creatures in the land. She galloped through valleys and across meadows, spreading the message of the magical place she had discovered.
Soon, animals of all shapes and sizes gathered at the edge of the forest, curious to see what Sparkle had found. With a gentle touch of her horn, Sparkle led them into the rainbow-lit woods.
Gasps of wonder filled the air as the animals witnessed the breath taking colours and the playful dance of the Pixies. Each creature felt a warmth in their hearts a feeling of joy and unity.
From that day on, the Rainbow Forest became a place where all creatures, big and small, could come together to celebrate the beauty of nature and the magic of friendship.
And Sparkle, the kind-hearted unicorn, knew that the true magic of the forest lay not just in its colourful trees and radiant rainbows, but in the love and togetherness it brought to all who visited.
So, whenever anyone needed a bit of cheer, Sparkle would invite them to the Rainbow Forest, where happiness and harmony danced hand in hand under the ever-glowing rainbow.


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Thursday 7 December 2023

The Pain of Letting Go by James Bauer


"The Pain of Letting Go"
by James Bauer

letting go of old relationships: Finding the right person to spend your life with requires that you let go of many other people you meet along the way. Some dating coaches say dating is all a numbers game. You date enough people, and eventually you will find a mutually satisfying click. There is certainly some truth to this concept. The problem is, our emotions do not let go of people as easily as our logical reasoning does.

The plain truth of the matter is this. Letting go hurts. I’m not telling you to hang on to a man who’s not right for you. I’m just acknowledging the truth. It takes something out of you each time you have to release the attachment you feel toward another human being, even if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with that person.

As a relationship consultant and dating coach, I spend a good amount of time motivating my clients to get out there and take action on the dating scene. As you can imagine, my clients are not always raring to go right after letting go of a person. I have carefully observed the mindsets that seem to allow some people to let go more quickly (and with less pain) compared with others.

Here’s what I have discovered.

There is less pain when a woman focuses her mind on survival. Now allow me to explain that by defining the opposite approach. The opposite of focusing on survival is focusing on what is lost or what could have been.

It’s a terrible thing, but poachers in some parts of Africa use a special kind of trap to capture monkeys. They attach a jar to a heavy stone and bury the stone so only the jar shows on the surface of the ground. Inside the jar they put a piece of banana or other fruit. Then they stand back at a distance that makes the monkeys comfortable enough to climb down from the tree to retrieve the fruit.

As the monkey closes its fist around the fruit, the hunter charges forward with his spear. The monkey attempts a quick getaway, but the closed fist is unable to emerge from the jar. Only an open hand can fit through the narrow opening at the top of the jar. Refusing to let go of its prize, the monkey hesitates just long enough to allow the hunter to gain the proximity needed for a quick thrust of his spear.

Don’t be like the monkey. Do not be afraid to let go of the prize you have found in a man’s heart. Holding on too long gets in the way of survival mode.

letting go of old relationships: Focusing on survival means doing what you know you have to do, rather than looking back and lamenting what you have lost. It results in a quicker turnaround for one specific reason. In survival mode, people put one foot in front of the other even if emotions do not drive those actions. Taking action brings her face to face with new people, real people with real needs, real hopes, and a real desire to get to know her. The unfolding demands of real human interaction capture the attention of the mind, allowing the focus of thought to grow toward life, toward new relationships.

In contrast, rumination about what could have been feels right, but takes much longer. Your instincts tell you to spend some time mourning the loss of the good things from the previous relationship. Your instincts may even tell you to socially isolate yourself for a while. Don’t do it. Don’t hold on to the fruit at the bottom of the jar when you know it is healthier to move on toward a forest with fruit hanging from the trees. It’s this forward-looking quality of thought that seems to bring the best outcomes with the least amount of pain.

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"BABY STEPS" by Becky Hemsley

"BABY STEPS" by Becky Hemsley We have to stop thinking that we’ve failed every time we fall. When babies are learning to walk, we ...