What Goes Around Comes Around

"What Goes Around Comes Around" (author unknown)

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small café. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”

There is an old saying “What goes around comes around.”

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The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen

"The Little Match Girl"

by Hans Christian Andersen

Most terribly cold it was; it snowed, and was nearly quite dark, and evening-- the last evening of the year. In this cold and darkness there went along the street a poor little girl, bareheaded, and with naked feet. When she left home she had slippers on, it is true; but what was the good of that? They were very large slippers, which her mother had hitherto worn; so large were they; and the poor little thing lost them as she scuffled away across the street, because of two carriages that rolled by dreadfully fast.

One slipper was nowhere to be found; the other had been laid hold of by an urchin, and off he ran with it; he thought it would do capitally for a cradle when he some day or other should have children himself. So the little maiden walked on with her tiny naked feet, that were quite red and blue from cold. She carried a quantity of matches in an old apron, and she held a bundle of them in her hand. Nobody had bought anything of her the whole livelong day; no one had given her a single farthing.

She crept along trembling with cold and hunger--a very picture of sorrow, the poor little thing!

The flakes of snow covered her long fair hair, which fell in beautiful curls around her neck; but of that, of course, she never once now thought. From all the windows the candles were gleaming, and it smelt so deliciously of roast goose, for you know it was New Year's Eve; yes, of that she thought.

In a corner formed by two houses, of which one advanced more than the other, she seated herself down and cowered together. Her little feet she had drawn close up to her, but she grew colder and colder, and to go home she did not venture, for she had not sold any matches and could not bring a farthing of money: from her father she would certainly get blows, and at home it was cold too, for above her she had only the roof, through which the wind whistled, even though the largest cracks were stopped up with straw and rags.

Her little hands were almost numbed with cold. Oh! a match might afford her a world of comfort, if she only dared take a single one out of the bundle, draw it against the wall, and warm her fingers by it. She drew one out. "Rischt!" how it blazed, how it burnt! It was a warm, bright flame, like a candle, as she held her hands over it: it was a wonderful light. It seemed really to the little maiden as though she were sitting before a large iron stove, with burnished brass feet and a brass ornament at top. The fire burned with such blessed influence; it warmed so delightfully. The little girl had already stretched out her feet to warm them too; but--the small flame went out, the stove vanished: she had only the remains of the burnt-out match in her hand.

She rubbed another against the wall: it burned brightly, and where the light fell on the wall, there the wall became transparent like a veil, so that she could see into the room. On the table was spread a snow-white tablecloth; upon it was a splendid porcelain service, and the roast goose was steaming famously with its stuffing of apple and dried plums. And what was still more capital to behold was, the goose hopped down from the dish, reeled about on the floor with knife and fork in its breast, till it came up to the poor little girl; when--the match went out and nothing but the thick, cold, damp wall was left behind. She lighted another match. Now there she was sitting under the most magnificent Christmas tree: it was still larger, and more decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door in the rich merchant's house.

Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-coloured pictures, such as she had seen in the shop-windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when--the match went out. The lights of the Christmas tree rose higher and higher, she saw them now as stars in heaven; one fell down and formed a long trail of fire.

"Someone is just dead!" said the little girl; for her old grandmother, the only person who had loved her, and who was now no more, had told her, that when a star falls, a soul ascends to God.

She drew another match against the wall: it was again light, and in the lustre there stood the old grandmother, so bright and radiant, so mild, and with such an expression of love.

"Grandmother!" cried the little one. "Oh, take me with you! You go away when the match burns out; you vanish like the warm stove, like the delicious roast goose, and like the magnificent Christmas tree!" And she rubbed the whole bundle of matches quickly against the wall, for she wanted to be quite sure of keeping her grandmother near her. And the matches gave such a brilliant light that it was brighter than at noon-day: never formerly had the grandmother been so beautiful and so tall. She took the little maiden, on her arm, and both flew in brightness and in joy so high, so very high, and then above was neither cold, nor hunger, nor anxiety--they were with God.

But in the corner, at the cold hour of dawn, sat the poor girl, with rosy cheeks and with a smiling mouth, leaning against the wall--frozen to death on the last evening of the old year. Stiff and stark sat the child there with her matches, of which one bundle had been burnt. "She wanted to warm herself," people said. No one had the slightest suspicion of what beautiful things she had seen; no one even dreamed of the splendour in which, with her grandmother she had entered on the joys of a new year.

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How and When to Tell Him about Medical Issues by James Bauer

"How and When to Tell Him about Medical Issues"

by James Bauer

I am very grateful for all the kind, sweet, thoughtful, and responsible women who ask me this question: “I have this issue that I feel I need to be upfront with him about before our relationship goes too far.  Should I tell him about it on the first date?”

I appreciate these women, but they go too far in their efforts to avoid deceiving a potential partner.  Some women seem to feel they are being deceitful or irresponsible if they do not reveal all of their physical or mental health flaws on the first date.  I disagree.

My personal opinion is that you can best answer the “when and how” question by referring to the golden rule.  I believe it’s as simple as that.  The golden rule simply extols the value of doing to others as you would have them do unto you.

I don’t know about you, but I would prefer that you allow me to get to know you before you flood my mind with a list of your hidden problems.  Problems do not define you, but many women seem to feel their problems do define them.

I’ll give you an example.  Someone once asked me if she was being irresponsible not to mention that she is living on disability income through Social Security.  She thought she needed to mention it in her online dating profile to avoid “leading men on.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I feel a person is selling herself short if she does not make at least a small attempt to sell me on the many virtues I would encounter if I continued a relationship with her.  It’s not that you should never speak the straightforward truth about problem areas;  it’s just not appropriate to delve into deeply personal information on a first date!

That’s why I evoke the golden rule.  I don’t want to share information about my medical issues with the person I just met, so I don’t expect you to do that either.  Maybe this is the golden rule in reverse; “Tell it unto me as I would expect myself to tell it unto thee.”  =)

In all seriousness, I want to encourage any of you who struggle over this issue to take a deep breath and relax.  Real relationships unfold over time.  Don’t try to force the entire relationship into the first date.  He can learn about you and discover both your wonderful qualities and your liabilities over time.

Some people hear this advice and finally relax into the normal way of relating to people again.  Others are so brainwashed by the fast-paced style of dating, which has taken over that they still struggle with guilt.

Our culture has changed when it comes to dating.  People around the world look at potential partners as expendable options to be sorted through rapidly.

This change is largely because of the psychological shifts created by online dating.  Men and women feel like there are hundreds of options out there and a seemingly inexhaustible supply, so they approach a first date with the mindset of quickly filtering out all the various qualities they would find distasteful in a potential partner.

You don’t have to go along with that toxic change in the dating culture.  Treat people like real human beings, and expect them to do the same in return.

I don’t want to know about the warts on the bottom of your feet when I first meet you.  I figure I’ll see those while I am learning how beautiful and playful you can be when joining me at the beach and kicking off your socks and shoes.

In this more “organic” context, your flaws will be paired with the real-life experience of getting to know the benefits of building a relationship with you.  Does that make sense?

Some people press me for even more detail.  Each relationship is unique, and requires a different approach because of the various factors at play.  Allow me to offer a few “rule of thumb” guidelines for you to consider.

• If the flaw is something embarrassing to you, but not something that will harm him, you can wait much longer for the topic to come up naturally throughout the course of your unfolding relationship.  If it is an issue that could cause him emotional or physical harm, you might want to bring up the subject by the time you reach the third date.
• Do not tell him deep dark secrets just because you feel guilty.  Guilt should not be your motivation.
• Generally speaking, you should bring up the topic as soon as you can envision a “normal” conversation about it.  By “normal,” I mean a conversation that others would not judge as forced and socially awkward.  When two people know each other, they can sense the right time for bringing up the topic even if it is a sensitive one.
• Before you tell him a deep dark secret, ask yourself whether he would be able to fill in other details about your personal life and history easily that have an equal weight (on the neutral or positive side of things).  If he doesn’t know you well enough to understand the context and story associated with your “flaw,” then it’s too soon for that particular talk.

I hope these guidelines were helpful, but remember that the preceding principles should be your ultimate guide rather than these rule-of-thumb statements.

It is my belief that you have a responsibility to put your best foot forward when meeting people.  I say this because the fast-paced dating culture often means you only get one shot at impressing a person enough to get a second date.

Research has consistently shown that we tend to draw final conclusions about potential partners far too soon.  We put too much confidence in our first impressions.

That’s why it’s so important to get a second and third date so you can truly get to know each other.  I hope this advice will help you reach that goal.

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I'M FINE by Becky Hemsley

"I'M FINE"
by Becky Hemsley 2022

Today I said “I’m fine”, not once

But five times altogether

When people asked “how are you?”

Then made small talk of the weather

And so I hid behind my mask

The one I’d worn a while

I set in place my bravest face

And dressed it with a smile

And that was how the day went

All “I’m fine” and talk of rain

Until somebody asked me how I was

Then asked again

They asked if I was truly fine

And I said I was not

And they said they were sorry

That they couldn’t do a lot

But then they sat beside me

Whilst I spoke the truth at last

They listened and they held me

As the tears slipped through my mask

And where before, I’d felt I should

Maintain this brave façade,

I realised there was much to gain

By letting down my guard

See, though my load was still the same

It now was not as heavy

‘Cause sitting and offloading it

Had helped a bit already

Today they asked “how are you?”

And I told them I was fine

‘Til someone saw behind the mask

And asked me one more time

And though they may have felt

That there was little they could do

They’ll never know how much it meant

To tell someone the truth

*******

Becky Hemsley 2022

Lovely artwork by Illustrations by Majali

“I’m fine” is from my second collection:

https://a.co/d/hz7kmJs

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TRUE COLOURS by Becky Hemsley

"TRUE COLOURS"
by Becky Hemsley 2023

I looked up the word ‘yellow’ the other day.

I found so many shades of yellow that they had been distinguished by words like

gold

honey

daffodil.

I found words like fire and sand and champagne and lemon and sunbeam and I even found a song.

Now imagine someone telling yellow that it’s ‘just yellow’.

When yellow is a sunbeam and a daffodil and fire.

When yellow is a song.

Without yellow, we couldn’t make orange and we couldn’t create green and our world would be far less colourful because of it.

Yellow’s true colours are not limited to one thing.

And neither are yours.

Some days you are dark and fiery and intense.

Some days you are rich and bright and vibrant.

Some days you are buttercups and dandelions and some days you are champagne and a song.

And without you, someone’s life would be far less bright and far less beautiful.

You are you as

yellow is yellow.

And the world needs you.

Because, no matter what you think, you are not ‘just you’.

You are so much more.

Becky Hemsley 2023

Stunning artwork by @turli_thu_art on Instagram

'True Colours' is from 'Letters from Life' https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHL9MZC1...

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REFUSE TO SACRIFICE WHO YOU ARE

"REFUSE TO SACRIFICE WHO YOU ARE"
author unknown

We deserve love. We deserve peace of mind. We deserve respect. When we are grounded, we can acknowledge these truths. Why is it that sometimes we believe we don’t deserve them? Where does that negativity come from? It is difficult to fight an enemy who seems to reside in our head. Often, these doubts were planted by the very wounded adults who helped raise us, teach us, or coach us when we were too young and inexperienced to realize that adults aren’t always right and are sometimes mean-spirited and cruel. So how do we move forward successfully in life? How do we shed these doubts that were planted when we were young and defenceless?

Realize that we are not in the world to live up to anybody else’s expectations. Refuse to sacrifice who you are in order to make someone else happy. Your feelings matter and should be trusted more than anyone else’s opinion. Trust yourself first and foremost. Speak your truth and honour your feelings. You are not being unreasonable when you insist on having your needs met. Your thoughts matter. Your insights matter. You matter. Remain unmoved by both praise and blame. How you feel about yourself is most important. Become sensitive to that, and you are on your way to being the strong, independent, uniquely gifted person you were born to become.

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You are everything

"You are everything" author unknown

You don’t see yourself the way I see you.

One day, when I tell you you’re amazing,

the voice in your head

will only echo in agreement.

You aren’t your shortcomings.

Those imperfections you believe to be glaring are unnoticeable to me.

You aren’t the flaws you try to hide.

You aren’t the mistakes you’ve made.

You aren’t the abuse you took.

Please understand that to me, you’re heroic, so it’s difficult to hear you speak of yourself with resentment.

You undermine the bridges you rebuilt,

while I’m in awe of the world

you grew from nothing.

You don’t understand how much

you mean to me.

You don’t realize how colourless my life would become if you weren’t in it.

Even when it’s dark you shine on me.

I would choose your rain

over anyone else’s sunlight.

I would choose your cold nights

over any warm body.

You are the realest thing I’ve ever loved,

and I don’t want a single day without you.

I know it’s hard to unlearn all the things this world has convinced you

are wrong about yourself.

So, I’ll point out every star I see in you

until the night skies you carry are blinding.

I’ll shower you with the words you never heard enough of until that voice in your head believes what I know is true –

You are loved. You are beautiful.

You are everything.

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NO MATTER YOUR AGE

"NO MATTER YOUR AGE"
author unknown

No matter your age, I will pray I did right by you.

No matter your age, your well-being will be my priority.

No matter your age, your laugh will warm my heart.

No matter your age, 𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑎𝑠 𝐼 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

No matter your age, I will worry about you.

No matter your age, I will smile when you’re happy and hurt when you’re struggling.

No matter your age, I will offer my shoulder for you to lean on and my ear to listen.

No matter your age, 𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑒.

No matter your age, I will remind you of your self-worth.

No matter your age, you will always be my baby.

No matter your age, I will be your biggest supporter.

No matter your age, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡.

No matter your age, it will be my greatest joy and my greatest heartbreak to watch you spread your wings.

No matter your age, I will encourage you to follow your dreams.

No matter your age, I will cherish our time together.

No matter your age, 𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑢𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦.

No matter your age,

I will 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 be your mom . . .

𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒈𝒆.

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