A HEART SET FREE

"A HEART SET FREE"
(author unknown)

I think one of the most profound things I’ve learned in the last couple of years is letting go of being frustrated or annoyed or stuck in a situation or a mood.

Let me tell you this -> I have been a master at holding onto irritation or a bad mood because if I’m feeling slighted I felt like I needed to stay in it a while in order to let people know that it bothered me.

I know, I know, shouldn’t I just move on?

Yes.

But I had somehow taught myself over years and years that moving on and forgiving and changing my mood (from irritation or overwhelm to something positive) was a sign that I lost. Or that I was weak. Or that I was basically saying, “I don’t matter so to make sure you see that I’m important I’m going to stay in this mopey, grumpy place for a while.”

If only made things worse.

I would stay at some low vibrational frequency in my attempt to validate my own crankiness and as a result instead of feeling good I just felt awful. It would create problems or I would accomplish little.

But changing my own patterns was really really hard. Even changing a pattern that didn’t serve me.

I worked with my counsellor.

I ran a lot. It helped me think.

I cried.

I weeded the yard a ton. My neighbours must wonder about me sometimes because I am always out there weeding.

I ran some more.

I cleaned.

I wrote.

I played my piano.

I would sit in my closet and remind myself to breathe.

And sometimes I could change it quickly and other times the resentment of having to change it would creep in.

I was resentful.

That was what I discovered. So instead of ignoring it I started to look at that pattern, that response. And I discovered that being truthful with myself helped me unlock and unravel the patterns that kept me down.

I realized I wanted to be heard.

I realized I need time to think.

I realized I want to live with joy.

I realized I matter and because I matter I didn’t want to waste time sitting in frustration or resentment because I’m the end I would resent me and the time lost.

So it took me working to let go.

One breath, one run, one try again.

And gradually that decades old “hold onto everything” has been crumbling.

Sometimes it’s a giant chunk that falls and other times it’s just a fragment and sometimes nothing seems to budge and yet underneath it’s cracking and loosening.

The more I let go, the more joy appears.

The more I let go, the more love appears.

The more I let go, the more hope appears.

The more I let go, the more of me appears.

That’s what was locked behind the not letting go.

It was me.

Waiting to not be bogged down, but to be free enough to know that the chains of not letting go only held me back.

So maybe this resonates with you. Maybe you, too, need to let go just a bit but are afraid. I am telling you that I get that fear.

But I also know your worth.

And you, my friend, are worthy of a heart set free.

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